


It's Who We Are

by harleybarley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Flashback, Friendship, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26519275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harleybarley/pseuds/harleybarley
Summary: James and Lily find out that someone in their lives is passing information to Voldemort and react.Please please please leave feedback! Thank you for reading :)All the characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	It's Who We Are

It’s Who We Are 

James and Lily Potter sat, tangled up on their couch by a crackling fire, staring into the flickering light with heavy eyes that appeared to be looking into the flames but were really seeing something else, something far away.  
James was tracing his fingers in what he hoped was a soothing pattern on Lily’s back, just below the ends of her fiery red hair. Lily’s wand lay in her lap, a baby blue orb of light at the tip pulsing slowly, reassuring both of them that Harry was safely asleep in his nursery, blissfully unaware of war that was becoming more and more treacherous with each passing day.  
The entire climate felt like a potions lesson about to go dangerously wrong, the bubbling liquid lapping up the sides of the cauldron, all the wrong color and threatening to spill over at any second. But unlike Potions lessons, this time nobody knew what ingredient to add to settle the potion, and there was no Professor to vanish the offending liquid. 

“I don’t understand” Lily whispered, “It just doesn’t make any sense, how?”

“According to Dumbledore the Order has gathered intelligence indicating that Voldemort is aware that we are aware that we have been marked for death, that we know about the prophecy” James repeated robotically. The words came out without emotion, like James himself was still not sure what to make of them. 

“But how?... How could he know… how could he know what we are, or are not, aware of” Lily said slowly, closing her hand around James’, trying to recapture the feeling of safety that she had so often gotten from his strong hands in the past. 

“I suppose even without the prophecy, without Dumbledore, we would be dense not to realize that Voldemort wants us dead...there have been too many near misses, maybe it’s all just a guess?” James said, speaking the words without believing them himself. The intelligence the Order had gathered indicated that this was something more than deductive reasoning, Dumbledore had said it was strong, not a guess. 

“Do you think he is telling us everything... do you… do you trust him?” James asked, turning his head so that his brown eyes found Lily’s emerald green ones. Though unspoken, they both knew the real question beneath James’ spoken question, hiding in both of their eyes. The question that neither of them dared to speak for fear it would become real.

But the reality was there was someone, or something, in their lives that they could not trust. That someone, or something, was passing information to Voldemort, information that meant their lives, Harry’s life. But none of the options made sense. They had lost so many people recently and as a result their circle was small. Some were gone for good, like James' parents, passing away much too soon after James and Lily’s wedding, before Harry had even turned 1. Others they had just distanced themselves from, it was painful to be so isolated, but it was an unavoidable product of the times, they had to keep their lives as safe as possible for Harry. 

Together, but separately, they considered the few people who remained in their lives, friends as good as family. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, collectively and infamously known as the Marauder’s during their Hogwarts days, had been together through so much more than the average set of school friends. They had been through Remus' werewolf transformations, Sirius' abusive family and him running away from home, animagi transformations, explosive childhood rows, reconciliations, and more pranks than anyone cared to count. 

There was Sirius with his mischievous smile and fierce, canine-like loyalty and protective instincts. There was Remus with his quiet consideration and devotion, usually reserved but deceptively and surprisingly strong whenever he was needed by his friends. There was Peter, their Switzerland, their peacekeeper, always scurrying around and going out of his way to help patch the group back together when teenage emotions ran high. All of them, they were family. 

“Dumbledore?” Lily asked, after a long silence in which they both knew that they were both considering the people in their lives, “Do you mean do I trust Dumbledore?”. James nodded slowly, considering Lily’s face as she processed his question. Lily paused, chewing on her lower lip thoughtfully, “you know I’ve always thought that Dumbledore is pulling more strings then he lets on… that he knows more than he lets on...” she paused, taking the time to consider her thoughts “but we are fighting a war, and he is our general, I see no real reason to doubt him, or real reason to question his decision to play some cards close the vest, it would be unwise for him not to”.

James nodded in agreement and for a long while they were silent. All of the possibilities, one of which must be true, were painful and seemed far fetched. “This war is going to tear us all apart” James whispered “I don’t know how it won’t… I only hope we are able to put whatever pieces remain back together in the end”. 

They both descended into silence. Thinking of Sirius, running around their yard with Harry in tow on his toy broomstick, both of them cackling madly. Sirius transforming into Padfoot and giving Harry a great big lick, chin to forehead. Thinking of Remus, tucking Harry into bed and quietly reading him his bedtime story, always taking care to use the different voices that he liked for each of the characters, dropping a kiss on Harry’s forehead after he drifted off to sleep. Thinking of Peter, helping bake Harry’s birthday cake in their kitchen with his yellow flowered apron, taking the time to write out Happy 1st Birthday Harry with his wand, even though there was no chance Harry could read it or would remember. None of this made sense.

“Do you regret it, Lil?” James asked, breaking the silence and gesturing around the room at both everything and nothing in particular “do you regret any of it? Any of the choices that brought us here?” 

Lily sighed, tucking her head into the crook of James’ shoulder and running her own thumb over the small tattoo on the inside of her wrist. At the disturbance of her thumb the small black lion stood up and stretched before roaring silently at her for disturbing its nap. The lion strode in a circle, walking away from the surface of her skin, tail swinging mildly from side to side, pulling Lily into the memory of the day that she had decided to get the tattoo. 

\----- 

Lily had gotten the lion tattoo during her 7th year at Hogwarts as a reminder of the Gryffindor courage that that sorting hat had somehow seen her in even when she did not see it in herself. 

During their 7th year it had been becoming more and more difficult to ignore the reality that the world they were to graduate in would not be one of peace. The headlines of the Daily Prophet were becoming increasingly disturbing, and the faces of their favorite Professors were becoming more deeply lined with worry. The reality had dawned on her that she, James, and their friends were going to be thrown headfirst into a war before even having a chance to live their lives. 

The anxiety of this realization had filled Lily with panic and sparked a momentary crisis of identity, how could she be a Gryffindor if the possibility of war stirred up fear so intense that it felt like her intestines had turned into a particularly angry pot of Devil’s Snare. She should be in Ravenclaw, she should be in Hufflepuff even, but she definitely was no Gryffindor. 

That day Remus had been walking out to the lake with a book under his arm and had found her under his favorite tree, knees pulled up to her chest, mind spinning. Remus had taken her hand in his and listened to her relay her worries before wrapping his arm around her shaking shoulders. 

“Being a Gryffindor doesn’t mean not being afraid Lil” he had said, “we are all afraid. Being a Gryffindor just means accepting the fear as part of reality and not letting it stop us from fighting for what’s right, even when it’s hard”. 

After a deep and steadying breath Lily had felt her heart rate start to calm “I suppose you are right” she had said “only a fool wouldn’t be afraid”. 

“Only fools aren’t afraid” Remus had repeated, turning to look at her with a crooked and mischievous smile “besides, there is no doubt in my mind that you are a Gryffindor Lil, only a true Gryffindor would have been courageous enough to attempt to make a respectable boyfriend out of Prongs” he had said with a chuckle “and dare I say a respectable boyfriend of him you have made”.

\-----

James had been watching Lily stroke the lion tattoo back to sleep and saw the ghost of the smile that Lily had worn at Remus’ comment that day at the lake spread across her worried features. 

“So do you regret it, Lil?” he repeated, “do you regret any of the choices that brought us here?” 

Snapping back to the present Lily brought her vibrant green eyes to his, the flickering quality of the fire reflected in her wide pupils. “Not for a second” she said firmly and clearly, dropping a soft kiss on James lips. “I guess I don’t really see anything we have done as having truly been a choice…”

“What do you mean?” James asked thoughtfully.

“Well, the way I see it… each step of the way we have made the choices that make us true to ourselves” she paused, interlacing her fingers in his now that the lion had returned to its slumber “even when it’s hard and even when we have been afraid” she breathed “we have made the choices that make us people that I can sleep with us being, the kind of people your parents would be proud of” she said with a squeeze of James’ hand “the kind of people that Harry can grow up and be proud of. This is who we are and I am proud of that. I won’t pretend that I can see our path through this storm… maybe… maybe there isn’t even one for us, but it was not a choice, it’s who we are”.

“It’s who we are” James repeated.


End file.
